But today’s guest post  by Mark Weikel ,  a Gen-Y entrepreneur who owns a web venture that is helping the gay community find love online,  might change your mind. Mark’s site is focused on gay dating, but his tips, and the myths he is busting about finding love online , are for anyone who is looking for love in any place.

Online Dating Myths and the Truth Behind Them

If you’re single, the thought of mingling on the web may have crossed your mind a time or two.  But despite the success stories you’ve seen on the Match.com commercials littering your TV, the myths you’ve heard about online dating may have caused you to change your mind along with the channel.  Luckily, I’ve taken the liberty of busting these myths—so the next time you’re wondering if clicking your way to Mr. or Mrs. Right is right for you, be sure to think about these things below:

Online Dating Myth #1:  Online dating is for losers.  
For some reason, many people have the misconception that dating sites are for un-datable singles who have lost all hope of finding a match out in the real world—FALSE. People don’t date on the Internet because they don’t have any other options—they might just be tired of the worn-out bar scene, they are too busy in a job that doesn’t allow them the time to date by conventional methods  or they just want to open up their horizons to meeting new people whom they wouldn’t have met otherwise.  Dating sites are actually filled to the max with plenty of eligible men and women who are datable:  attractive, successful, normal human beings who could very well be your soul mate.

Online Dating Myth #2:  Online dating is too expensive. 
You can actually date online without breaking the bank.  Of course, many popular dating sites out there require that you pay a fee to use their services—but a good way to look at it is as a small investment towards a happy future.  There are even tons of reputable dating sites that are completely free of charge!

Online Dating Myth #3:  Everyone lies online.  
It’s true that with online dating, people are known to stretch the truth a bit.  So if you’ve met a match on a dating site who looks like they should be on the cover of a magazine, went to Harvard, is a brain surgeon, drives a Porsche and builds churches in Africa in his or her spare time…it’s best to proceed with caution.  Of course, there are attractive, well-accomplished people on dating sites but if someone seems too good to be true, you could be dealing with a con-artist who is trying to pull a scam over on you (read more about how to protect yourself from online dating scams here).  Just take things slow and spend time getting to know someone online before giving out any information about yourself or taking things to an in-person level.

Online Dating Myth #4:  Online dating isn’t safe.  
For the most part, online dating sites are comprised of people just like you—nice folks who aren’t plotting an axe-wielding killing spree.  But because online dating opens you up to a world where anonymity allows people to be whoever they feel like typing up, you do run the risk of running into a few creeps.  Be sure to make safety your number one priority by following the tips below:

• Take things slow and never give out personal information to someone you just met online.
• For the first few dates, tell a friend where you are going, rely on your own transportation to meet your match in public places, keep an eye on your belongings and don’t drink too much.
• Trust your gut and if anyone makes you the slightest bit uncomfortable, say goodbye and move on to the next.

About the Author: Mark Weikel owns Best Gay Dating Sites where he is committed to giving cyber daters the information they need to pick the best online dating site for them.  Whether it’s dishing out advice about relationships, filling out an online dating profile, or finding the best dating service offers on the web, Mark is an experienced dater who will help you along every step of your online journey for love.  A single guy on the hunt for that special someone himself, Mark has had successful experiences with online dating, but is still looking for the one…

This was my gut reaction to an article on the Huffington Post titled: “9 Ways Twentysomethings Screw Up Their Lives.” The author, Dr. Meg Jay, is a clinical psychologist who just wrote a book: The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter–and How to Make the Most of Them Now based on a mix of research and her experience counseling people in their twenties.

Prior to reading this piece, I listened to an interview with Dr. Jay for NPR. I found that one to be insightful.She said one thing that really stuck with me:  “…the thing to do about that is to realize that my 20s are really the time to make my own certainty, and to make sure that yes, my life is going to work out because I’m starting to put the pieces together in an intentional way.”

Can intention and exploration mix?

Dr. Jay says in the except of her book on the NPR site, that she has witnessed many people in their 30s and 40s still paying for the mistakes they made in their twenties. But honestly, I have also seen the opposite. Unhappy older people who wish they had taken more time to explore, learn, and grow when there was more time to bounce back.

According to Dr. Jay, the 9 ways that twentysomethings screw up their lives range from playing too much Playstation to not thinking seriously about your fertility. It’s a broad list, but  after reading through her observations, I felt a need to add my observations based on the conversations I have had with countless twentysomethings, and of course some of my perspective from actually  BEING a twentysomething. I would love to hear what you think in the comments.

Dr. Jay says: Spending all your time with your urban tribe                                                                                                                                                                     Amber J. says: Dr. Jay says that we twentysomethings spend way too much time just hanging out with our little group, and not enough time asking strangers for help. Don’t think so Dr. Jay. In fact, I think most twentysomething spend way too much time listening to other people (strangers included), and not enough time tuning in to their own wants and desires. We might spend a lot of time with our crew, but we also spend a heck of a lot of time listening to the well-meaning advice that society loves to push our way.
Dr. Jay says: Hoping to strike it rich: minus the hard work.
Amber J. says: Actually, most of us are working hard…and being unfairly compensated for it. The recession has turned to salaried job into a myth, and if what you say about salary growth in the twenties rings true, then we will be paying for it for years to come.

Dr. Jay says: Frequent Facebook Stalking
Amber J says: I admit it. Heck, we all admit it, Facebook stalking happens. We spend a lot of time on social media, and yes, this might lead some people to doing an unfair comparison of their life to those of their peers. But I don’t think this point is limited to twentysomethings. I would love to know if the Baby Boomers on Facebook are comparing themselves to their classmates from thirty years ago.

Dr. Jay says: Dating losers
Amber J says:  Well, Dr. Jay, I’d rather date a loser and discover the personality traits that are deal breakers for me, than marry someone who turns out to be an ass. Besides, I’ve found that when people date losers, it’s usually because they are off balance about something. It might be more helpful to suggest that young people take the time to evaluate themselves after a relationship goes sour.

Dr. Jay says: Being “too cool” for a desk job
Amber J says:  This one is laughable. I wonder what twentysomethings she has been talking to? Oh yeah, the ones who have desk jobs that actually give them the health benefits that allow them to pay for her services. Well, Dr. Jay, it’s not that twentysomething are too cool for the desk job, it’s more like some of us have been hunting for that desk job for months, or even years. I’m just as over hearing about the recession as the next person, but the impact from it is still being felt, and it’s playing out by leaving young workers out of the game.

Dr. Jay says: Spending too much time with your Playstation
Amber J says: Actually, research is showing that people who play games have a better sense of emotional being. It’s something to do with brain’s recognition of the constant rewarding nature of the game. Regardless, I feel as if this reason doesn’t make sense.  Her basic advice is to step away from the game and read a book, but I don’t really think this has anything to do with screwing up your life. Unless you are dating a loser whose only idea of a date involves Super Mario.

Dr. Jay says: Shacking up too early
Amber J says: This sounds like the wisdom of yesteryear, not something that is applicable today. What if she takes into consideration that more couples are waiting to get married because they are bogged down with those pesky student loans? If anything, the question to raise might not be about shacking up too early, but of how financially ready should you be before tying the knot?

Dr. Jay says: Acting like you’re on a reality tv show
Amber J says: Well, these days life does kind of feel like a giant reality show. People let you know where they are practically every minute of the day, they post pictures that you previously would have had to see via scrapbook. We’re an incredibly open society now, but there is an argument to be made for being too open. This would probably be the only other point I really agree with.

Dr. Jay says: Ignoring your ovaries
Amber J says: This is Dr. Jay’s advice for all of my homegirls out there. Ouch! Her argument is that fertility peaks by 28, and is cut in half by 35, so we should be mindful of our biological clock.  I agree that fertility is something we have to think about, but what does Dr. Jay suggest we we do ? Ignore our aspirations, and the desire to be more settled before thinking about kids in favor of popping out some kids we aren’t ready for? So many more factors play into the decision to have kids than battling my ever-reducing number of eggs.

Overall, I think Dr. Jay killed her purpose of offering any serious advice by presenting her information in such a sensationalist way. The interview she did with NPR is way better because it is more insightful. Links to both pieces are below.

Comment it out, and of course, share if you care

Links:

HuffPo Article

NPR Article

Maybe you have heard some variation of this. Something along the lines of, “You can have it all, just not all at the same time.” But the theory this guy was proposing to me involved having all that you want, at the same time, but just thinking about the different ways in which you could make it happen.

To leave, or not to leave New York was the dilemma I shared with him. I was conflicted. I’ve had this urge to travel for four years now, and I’ve gotten around some, but not to the extent that I really want. Yet, on its best days, New York speaks to the beat of my heart. When I picture the life I want here, I see myself on a blue bicycle, soaring around the streets of my neighborhood. For me, New York represents freedom. I love the freedom that this city gives you, but sometimes, I admit, I get weary of fighting for it. But it seems I can’t let go.

He asked me if there is anyway that I can do both?

Hmm…is there? Is there a way that we can frame it, or shape it differently, look at the side angles instead of the front views and figure out if we can have it all?

Tell me what you think.

Much of the traffic generated to The Rule Breaker’s Club comes from readers like you who are inspired by the fact that I have spent two years living in Paris, speaking French and eating stinky cheese. Many of them feel motivated to move abroad, quit their job, or jump spontaneously into some other task. Trust me, stinky cheese is always a risk.

So, what do my curious readers do? They email me with questions: “How did you do it?”, “Is it expensive?”, “How did you find housing?” are some examples.

Mostly, they ask me these questions in an effort to complete their  ”pro-con”  chart in hopes of making a logic-based decision.

They know that they want to take a risk– pushing the limits and breaking the rules– but instead, they make this “pro-con” list in the hopes that my answers will tell them if they are making the right choice.

To me, the answer is simple, and it doesn’t involve math: If you feel the urge to do something– if you have an itch that you can’t scratch: to travel the world, move to a new city, break up with your boyfriend, or sign up for a triathlon– then you probably already know the answer.

Of course you should do it.

You should do it because you feel nervous.

You should do it because it makes life exciting.

You should do it because it’s risky.

Because no one has ever done it.

Because everyone has done it.

Because you read the blog of some chick who did it.

You should do it if you’re afraid of the worst.

You should jump on that opportunity if you’re scared you won’t have enough money.

Or friends.

You should do it if you’re afraid of changing so much that your family won’t recognize you.

You should do it if you’re sure you’ll fail. You will.

You should do it if the idea pops into your head at least once a week.

You take this risk because, to not do so makes you inauthentic.

To not do so creates space for regret– an opening for excuses and comfort.

You take this risk now because it will make you stronger, raise your confidence, rip you apart, and put you back together. It will teach you more about yourself than most people learn in a lifetime.

You take that risk because it’s the only choice.

If you don’t? You’ll think about it for the rest of your life.

So, go sign up for that race. Buy that plane ticket. Submit the proposal. Start that blog. Apply for that job, and say “no” to anything that distracts you from your goal.

Go ahead. Scratch that itch.

Or that itch will keep on itching all life long.

About the author: Courtney Johnston is a sassy well-being blogger and résumé revamper at  The Rule Breaker’s Club. She’s not a fan of B.S.. However, she does love all things French or psychology related. Visit her at www.rulebreakersclub.com.