“Don’t let your past steal your future…”
I said this out loud to myself as I shuffled around the room I rented while in London.
I was listening to the audiobook version of “Matriarch”, the memoir by Tina Knowles (a.k.a. Mama of THE Beyoncé), and she was discussing what she learned about herself and relationships after finally divorcing Matthew Knowles (whew, chile, it was a mess!) and from her second divorce.
She’s still figuring out how to turn lemons into lemonade, which seems to be a running theme in the family.
While I could discuss this book all day (have y’all read it yet?), what’s sitting with me is the way our past lives—and the stories we attach to them—can shape what we allow ourselves to become.
Doing Battle With Your Past
Y’all know that I spent the last year in a real battle with myself, my thoughts, and the end of that part of my story. There was a lot of grief I needed to process about love, about who I thought I was going to be, about how this chapter ended. I didn’t want my sadness about past experiences to overshadow the excitement I needed to cultivate for my future, but it was a struggle.
Truthfully, that space can become a sticking point because the past has a sneaky way of trying to steal from your future.
The space where you are dangling between what was, what could have been, and what you can build is hard. It’s heavy. It’s scary. It is easier to stay rooted to the past, to replay the same story, and try to think your way into a new ending than it is to face a future of unknowns.
But staying stuck in what was doesn’t make space for what could be. You forget that your magic can shift. You forget that joy can take on new forms.
I admired Ms. Tina for acknowledging this. I admire my coaching clients for acknowledging this, as this is the core of the work that I do. This trip also allowed me to acknowledge this for myself.
Being back in London was cathartic for this reason. I walked through neighborhoods I’d once called home, saw my former partner and his parents, and I was struck by how okay I felt. Visiting London felt like confronting the boogeyman—like flicking on the lights to see, once and for all, if the monster under the bed was still there.
And while I knew a big part of my trip to London was about reclaiming the city for me, I realized it was also about me flicking on the lights in my life, looking around, and seeing that I don’t have anything to fear anymore. Nothing is holding me down.
No monster to run from. Just a version of myself still refreshing, reimagining, and rewriting the next chapter in real time.
Making Space for the Magic Now
I flew back from England with my arms open wide, ready to embrace Brooklyn and my life now.
I’m not the same woman who lived in London. I’ve changed. I’ve reclaimed space for myself. I’ve gotten curious about what it means to be fully okay with where I am. Not in some forced, performative way, but deeply, truly good. There’s something radical about being 40 and realizing you’ve built a life largely on your terms.
This isn’t about swearing off love or pretending partnership doesn’t matter and won’t matter to me again in the future. But right now, I’m not hungry for anything other than this season of me. I find joy in reimagining what could be for me. I am building something in Brooklyn that is entirely of my design. I can finally say, this is my life—and mean it.
If my future self could talk to me right now, I think she’d just look at me, raise her glass, and say:
Girl, you’ve done a good job.
Because not letting your past steal your future isn’t about pretending the past didn’t matter. It’s about refusing to let it have the final say. It’s about being present with who you are right now and knowing, loving, and accepting that in this moment, that’s more than enough.
My Sunday Wishes For You
If you’ve been holding onto an old version of yourself, you’re not the only one.
If you’re wondering whether your best days are behind you, I promise you’re not alone in that, either.
And if you’re slowly learning to make peace with the in-between spaces. I hope you know there’s power in that, too.
So my Sunday wish for you, for me, for all of us, is to remember: the past doesn’t get the final say. We do.
✨Questions To Reflect On:
Take your Sunday reflections deeper with these questions:
- Where in your life might you be clinging to an old story that no longer fits?
- If your future self could speak to you right now, what would you want them to say? What would they be proud of?
